MasterBeta: The Invisible Fist of Professor Hiddich Smiddich 26 – Taipan wall – Grampians

25 10 2011

Right so I’ve been slack updating my blog, I’ll update again soon. I’m off to Arapiles next week and will be there for a month so i should have some time on rest days and find something to rabble about.

But for now this is from the old whipper web site, thought I’d put it here for old times sake.

MasterBeta: The Invisible Fist of Professor Hiddich Smiddich 26 Taipan wall Grampians
Technically 26 but with 4 no hands rests makes if feel a whole lot easier.

This is very in-depth beta. Read at your own risk!!!

Me on "The Invisable Fist" 26 Taipan Wall, Grampians
Me on the last move of “The Invisable Fist” 26 Taipan Wall, Grampians
Photo by Erik Nordfeldt

Section 1

The slab is pretty easy, A #5 rock or a #2 Camalot can be place down low on a long sling to make the moves up to the roof.

Once you have the 1st bolt on the lip clipped the sequence to get over the roof isn’t that bad. To start with keep your feet in the crack under the roof

LH1 Grab the best bit of the flake under the roof with your left hand
RH1 Cross over with your right hand to the hold beside the draw
LH2 left hand up and then right heal hook in previous LH1
RH2 right hand up to a jug
LH3 left hand up to a good pocket left foot left of draw
RH3 rock over left food and right up up to good edge
Then easily up slab to clip the 2nd bolt and a no hands rest

Section 2
RH1 Good crimp
LH1 Good side pull get left foot on
LH2 Rock over the left good and reach further back than you think to a good hold with your left hand
RH2 Easily traverse right to a big hold where you can place a #5 rock in a obvious placement
LH3 Grab the bottom of the big pocket with left hand and with a right hand jam you can shuffle your arse into a lying down no hands rest (make sure you are lying looking up) from here if the draws are already on with you right knee jammed in the back of the crack you can (awkwardly) lean out and clip B3

Section 3 (Crux)
LH1 with you right knee jammed in the back of the crack you can (awkwardly) lean out and grab the big pocket with you left hand reposition feet and if you haven’t yet put the draw on and clip B3
RH1 Average sloppy crimp
LH2 Average sloppy edge
RH2 Good edge
RH3 Match RH2 with left hand and move right hand out right to another good crimp
LH3 Get left heal hook on RH1 and rock over left food to a good 2 finger pocket
RH4 Alight sloppy hold
LH4 Get right foot up to RF4 and left foot up to RH2 and move to a average meat wrap
RH5 Average sloppy edge
LH5 Good crimp
RH6 Move left foot up to just beside RH4 and right foot up to RF5 and move up to good edge, clip b4 from here (possible to rest but a few more moves to jugs if pumped keep moving
LH6 Small 2 finger pocket
RH7 move feet up and move up to a average edge
LH7 JUG (pretty good for a quick rest)
RH8 Alright undercling
LH8 Move feet up and big move to jug
RH9 Heal hook LH7 and move up to jug (3 jugs here all good possible to rest if pumped)
LH9 Sloppy kinda just (keep moving)
RH10 get right foot on RH7 and rock over to jug (jug in back a little way)
LH10 Big good edge
RH11 Big good edge, sit down, ride the horse and clip B5

Section 4 (Lots of big holds, pumpy just keep moving)
LH1 Jug
RH1 Good crimp
LH2 Big Edge
RH2 Get feet up out right and rock over to jug (it’s a long way back over the hold)
RH3 Match RH2 and reach up to RH3 get feet up and clip B6 (you can shake out a little here but keep moving)
LH3 Match RH3 and move up to LH3 with right hand (good flat rail, further right is better) cross over so you have this with your left hand on LH3 (Confusing as it sounds pretty easy (using feet out right for these moves))
LH4 Get LH4 with right hand (nose jug) match
RH4 Get feet up and right and knee scum LH4 with right knee and rock over a long way to reach RH4
RH5 Match RH4 get feet up and long reach to nose jug
LH5 Pocket jug, you can get feet into a steaming position here and get a good rest
RH6 Average edge, Left hand here first and work feet along till you can get your right hand on this
LH6 Push on this edge with your left hand
RH7 Get feet sorted and cross over to a big hold with right hand, get a right heal hook and clip (you can get an average rest here by wrapping your right arms around the nose)
LH7 Get feet up and get good edge with left then right hand, heal hook on top of nose and rock over heal hook for a no hands rest.

Section 5
RH1 Good side pull crimp
LH1 Good Pocket
RH2 Get feet up and rock over to good hold
LH2 Get right hand up into jug undercling just above RH2 and left hand to good pocket LH2
LH3 Get left foot in pocket LH1 right foot heal hook RH1 and bump left hand up to big jug, heal hook RH2 and clip anchors

For me this climb was my first on Taipan wall and one of the best I have done ever in my climbing career. For me this was equally the hardest graded climb I have ever managed to do so far and am very thankful for the beta I was given so I decided to re-vamp it and give it to the world.

I am a hobbit so of course you will use different sequence. But after talking to a lot of people and seeing other climb it this is quite similar to how all the people climb it.

Note this beta is yours if you want it and if you don’t want to ruin the experience then you probably shouldn’t of read this far….

but if you want to push yourself to the next level then I hope this helps you.

Did I mention that the climb is 10 stars!!!!

And to top things off here is a video of of Jacqui Middleton on it.

Jacqui Middleton climbs one the classic Taipan Wall routes – The Invisible Fist (grade 26 – 5.12b) in the Grampians National Park, Australia. Filming by Michael Boniwell ( – editing by Neil Monteith

May the force be with you.

Jed Parkes.


Tassie, you kinda gotta want it

14 02 2011

In March 2009 Simon and Gary put the first route to go up the center of the east face of Mt Anne.
East Face Regular Route 240m 22 A2
John and I though we’d go out and give freeing the aid pitches a go.
No luck though, everything was seeping. Simon, Alex and Dee had walked up as well but they bailed as quick as we did. We ended up walking all the way for a game of chess. It was a good game and it was good to hang out with some friends and talk about it rather than doing it cause that what climbing is really about right 😉

After resting for a day, decided to head down to the Paradiso @ Mt Brown.
Everyone kept saying that the conditions down there after rain where shit. That it would be seeping lots so i was a bit reluctant to down after it pissed down the whole night before. It’s an afternoon stop that’s all head down at lunch time and by the time you get there the conditions are perfect. We went down a bit early and had to sit around in the cold for ages waiting for it to get good.
Day 1 ticked “Thunder Birds Are Go” 24
Good route 2x crux’s both reachy, i found this one a tad hard.
Day 2 ticked “Offender of the Faith” 24
Awesome route. Just keeps on going with good climbing. 2x crux’s get your feet in the right position and it ain’t too bad. Even has a few bomber hand jams 🙂

Week 1 of 4 down. What will the next week hold. I don’t know, dinner time now. will worry about tomorrow when it arrives. Ah, it feels good 🙂

John – Simon – Alex – Dee – Shelf Camp

John – Chess – Mt Anne

John chilling in the bush

Mt Anne east face topo

Kim on “K2” 21 – with 3.5m swells

Claire getting belayers neck

Gary on “Captain Jack” 30

Small gear for a small man…

7 02 2011

I am now on a 4 week break for my other life as a nerd.
The first day i had off work the forecast look shit tassie wide but 2 hours before finishing work a few text message from Simon saw me organized to go up the east coast and 4 hours after finishing work we where there and Simon had his draws on his project.
Sat the conditions where shit, i figured out all the moves on “Harlequin Variant” 24 but no way was i sending it that day so spent the rest of the day avoiding the rain, Playing paparazzi and getting psyched 🙂
Sun condition’s where ace. Simon warmed up on his project. I warmed up on “Harlequin”, figured out the gear for “Harlequin Variant” blue alien and a blue ball nut. Simon sent his project next shot. In his words “‘Forever Young” 28, the line everybody else just looked at… 😀 It was fucken rad to watch 🙂
First lead shot on “Harlequin Variant” i wasted a lot of energy placing a blue alien near the beginning of the traverse that was crap anyway. Got half way through the traverse stuffed up a hand placement and binged off. The blue alien came to the ground with me.
Second shot i skipped the blue alien power through the crux. Placed a blue ball nut (the smallest one there is) and fell on the grade 19 slab move right onto it. ball nuts are bomber 🙂
Third shot done and dusted 🙂
Great start to a month of climbing in tassie 🙂

Harlequin Variant – Original climb description
Climb Harlequin for 4m, underling out right, then climb thin wall above.
Protection is adequate, but must be placed blindly on the traverse.
RP’s protect the climbing above.

Harlequin Variant – My climb description
Climb Harlequin for 4m, underling out right, then climb thin wall above.
Protection is adequate, but don’t bother placing any on the traverse you’ll just get pumped, fall off and your gear will blow.
RP’s can protect the climbing above but if you want your gear to actually hold buy some ball nuts 🙂

Toby and Simon new routing

Toby & Kes lassie’s wall

Simon solo sneakers

Simon after first asscent of Forever Young 28

Bec and all her charm

The Last 5 months

2 02 2011

I’ve been mega slack with this blog…. Oh well here’s an update.

Short Version…
Sent another 26
Got injured
Did my first Sky Dive
Got better
Claire got her Visa
Got injured
I passed my first ever exam
Got better
Moved house

Long Version…

Once back from Europe Claire and I lodged her temporary visa application (meaning if they where in a good mood she could stay in the country indefinably)

I went back to work where I’ve been for the last 5 months. Just climbing on weekends.
I sent “Immaculate Misconception” 26 which makes 3 26’s now it’s been slow progress, seems my body won’t keep up with my mind.

Shortly after sending that i flashed a 24 that i had done before but in the process injured my finger and had to take a month off for it to heal. So I worked 21 days straight, accruing enough flex to pay for my next 2 trips and eating too many pies.

After a month off too a little bit to get back into it but feeling about 80% now so time to climb some more.
Just after xmas i did my first sky dive, then 2 more and that was it. Sat around the drop zone for 3 days and wasn’t able to jump due to weather/wind. Since then i have run out of money so jumping is on the back burner for a little while. It’s insanely addictive though, just expensive, can’t wait to do it again 🙂

My bro came down for 10 days over xmas, was awesome to spend some time with him again, took him for a few climbs, which he crushed 🙂 We spend new years eve and my Friends Paul and Rossie. Everyone had the required amount to drink. The next day my brother flew back to new castle and i got a text “Ey bro i don’t even remember saying good bye to you, i through up on myself…” Good times 🙂

Back at work over xmas i resumed the study i had started last year and after filling my brain with too many useless facts like
Titan Chess which is included in Windows 7 is not included in all version of Windows 7. Titan Chess requires Windows Aero. Areo is only supported in Windows Home Premium and above
Rabble rabble rabble………..
I passed my first ever exam 75% (needed 70 to pass)

The next day (5 months from lodgin) Claire got her Visa which means
1. we can stay in the country and
2. I am no longer a sugar daddy 🙂
3. We’ll have more money to spend on things we don’t need but must have.

Then the day after that John got his citizenship and we have a shindig to celebrate. Some more than others 🙂

I’ve moved to west Hobart now. Living again with Giles (pass me a Scalpel) Barrington, Kirke (The only redeeming factor of Denmark) and Murphy (Goat Balls) the parrot. It feels like home already 🙂

Next week i start a month off work and finger’s crossed i don’t injure myself i plan to climb in tassie for the whole time and hopefully climb Frenchman’s.

Oh yeah i did some topos for thesarvo – More to come when i stop being lazy 🙂

Jed Parkes MCTS

The Paradiso

I look pretty in pink

Free Gear

Mr Happy (Merry)

Wet slabs…. (Bec)

Sleeping beauty (Crazy John)

I really don’t know? (Claire, Lachy and I)

The happy couple

The bubbles the bubbles (Dee, Duncan and Deano, too many D’s)

I’M GOING TO EAT YOU!!!!!!!! (Alex and Dee)

SMILE (Helen and I)

Will after how many Vodka Cruisers? 😉

Duncan, need i say more

My Bro and I top of first pitch of “Pegasus” 14 Pipes

Claire and I on XMas day at the top of “Sky Rocket” 20 one of the best climb on the Pipes

270 Packets of Migoreng

Ja Arco, Nein Italia

7 09 2010

When I decided to go to Arco I thought I was traveling to a little city in the north of Italy. Alas upon arriving I found out that Arco is now under the occupation of the Deutsch. No one speaks Italian, just German. I don’t know how they did it without the press finding out. I can only guess that it is some kind of cover up…
The ridiculous amounts of Germans aside the climbing is great. We’ve been to 6 different crags so far and the guide book has 103 of them. Could spend a lot of time here and not get bored.
I do wish I was climbing harder (my own fault for over training) Some of the 7a’s (24’s) look great. I’ve mostly been doing 6a+’s & 6b’s (19’s and 20’s) most of them felt pretty stiff but that’s probably just because I’m un-fit. Slowly getting it back though, haven’t really pushed myself, only done one 6b+ (21) since I’ve been here, haven’t fallen once though, just climbing lots and enjoying being back on the rock.
It’s raining now so doesn’t look like I’ll get to climb again before I leave. I think I’ll be back though, then again I did find the Ceuse guide and it looks great, wish I had of gone there too but there’s always next time 
Ben (from 9 Fitzroy) has arrived, sorry Ben no climbing but we do have a bottle of Absinthe to consume tonight so maybe we’ll eat some bee’s 😉
2 days till I start my journey home, back on Sun 12th and back to the 1’s and 0’s on Mon 13th.

Claire on “Lupperman” 6a (18)
Sector, La Gola – Pezzent Area
"Lupperman" 6a (18)
"Lupperman" 6a (18)

Me on approach to sector ” Spiaggia Delle Lucertole”
Approach to sector " Spiaggia Delle Lucertole"

Torbole & Garda Lake
Torbole & Garda Lake

Tourist Stuff

31 08 2010

Well we finished up at Verdon by doing a great climb “A Tout Coeur” 150m 6b+ (21) every pitch was good climbing.

Claire on crux pitch of “A Tout Coeur” 150m 6b+ (21)

Then we drove north to Chamonix and spent a few days walking around and looking at the big peaks covered in ice and snow including Mont Blanc, The highest mountain in the Alps 4810m.
It looked like there was some good rock around but according to the guide book the climbing was mostly on the other side of the range so couldn’t see the alpine routes.

Claire & Mont Blanc
Claire & Mont Blanc

After that we started to drive to Arco but didn’t make it because I decided to surprise Claire and take her to Venice for her bday. Venice was a cazy little city. You know when you are in a touist town when you have to pay €1.50 to take a piss. So many tourists in one spot, it was a cluster fuck but the fact that there are no cars in the city just a maze of canals it was fun to look around.

Venice, Italy
Venice, Italy

Now we are in Arco with about 9 days till I start the journey home, time to climb some single pitch sport routes.


22 08 2010

We’re still in Gorge Du Verdon. We’ve done a few 150m routes which have been fun. I’ve tried top roping a 6c and a 6c+ (22 & 23) I couldn’t do the crux of the 6c+ but my neck isn’t getting any worse so that’s good.

Claire on the last pitch of “Afin que nul ne meure” 6a+ (19) 150m
"Afin que nul ne meure" 6a+ (19)

We decided to do the tourist thing and went on a canyon day trip. Wasn’t very extreme but it was fun sliding and jumping down the water falls.

Claire jumping into a hole Canyoning
Claire jumping into a hole Canyoning

Can’t escape Tasmanian’s, even on the other side of the world. A few days ago some new neighbours moved into the camp site beside us. It was a few of the Tassie base jumpers. So I’ve watch them do a few jumps which has been awesome.
Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 1.1Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 1.2Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 1.3Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 1.4
Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 2.1Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 2.2Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 2.3Tassie Base Jumpers Verdon 2.4

The plan atm for the rest of the trip is to stay here for around another week, then head north to Chamonix for a few days to check it out then head east back into Italy and climb at Acro for a week. Plans always change though so we’ll see what happens.